When You're Paying for "Not Wine"

In some respects, yesterday was like almost every other Saturday of the last 25 years. Does that mean my life is boring, mundane, and meaningless? I hope not. What I mean is that I went to Costco to shop. 

You don't have to like the shopping experience there. I do. I don't buy everything there, but I find many of their items to be excellent value, the people working there are friendly, and while I neither went in there yesterday to buy wine nor did I buy any, they have been the largest wine retailer in the US (and I think in the world) for a number of years now. They do this despite a very limited selection because it's convenient, they have a diverse selection, and depending on your particular warehouse of choice, they have wines ranging in price from a few dollars for a 3 liter box of wine to perhaps several hundred dollars for a collectible bottle.

But, that's not why I am writing today. Although I escaped without buying wine (yes, Virginia, if it's not on my list, I don't buy it), I did peruse the wine selections and I saw what prompted this post today. 

The way my Costco's wine section is set up is that at one end, there are generally quite inexpensive wines, including the Kirkland brand (Costco's house brand since they are headquartered in Kirkland, Washington) which often presents us with some of the best wine values you will find (they are private labels from excellent estates and if you haven't tried them, you are missing out) as well as some popular labels and some wines from many of the major wine-producing countries of the world where Costco has seemingly bought their entire vintage. With many of these wines, you can see their critics' ratings prominently displayed.

As we move toward the other end, you start to see the mid-priced wines, typically, $15 to $40 for whites and about $20 to $50 for reds. There are some great finds in there and there are always a few losers. Almost all are well-priced compared to other retailers -- perhaps not the cheapest on the market, but the combination of the price and the convenience is pretty darn good.

Finally, we get to the end cap. These are the wines you can see as you are walking down the main aisle. They are prominently displayed. Yesterday, I noticed one I had never seen. $90, or more precisely, $89.99. I did not tecognize the wine. But, on the price placard as there often is, there were the critics' ratings. 89 points! Really $90 for 89 points. I could go back to the Kirkland wines and find a case of 90 point wines from the same critic for $90. That's not hyperbole. Come shopping with me and I'll show you.

Now, I know that the ratings of a single critic are just that. But, they say something. It is unlikely that a single bottle of 89-point wine is worth as much to you as a case of 90-point wine, even if each is "off" by 3 points in opposite directions.

So, I needed to understand why the difference. The Kirkland wines and most of the other inexpensive wines are in normal bottles, fairly light, but normal. Their labeling is easily printed. There is nothing ornate about it. The punt in the bottles (the dimple in the bottom of most bottles that is really only a necessity in sparkling wines because of the high pressure under which they are bottled) is there, but nor pronounced. The foil (the thing that you cut to get to the cork) is pedestrian and mundane, but functional.

I observed the $90 bottle. I picked it up and looked at the bottle. The bottle was heavy, very heavy, meaning the glass was undoubtedly thicker and more expensive. The punt was pronounced. The foil was bi-colored and glossy. And, the label was not a label, but it was etched in the glass ... on both the front and the back. And, this bottle comes with a little tag indicating its numbering of some sort or another from the winery. 

Now, if you had a really collectible wine, all of this stuff would be important. As an investment, you could get your money back again and again and again. But, if you're reading this, it's highly likely that you're not a wine investor. You buy wine to enjoy what is in the bottle probably with family and friends.

Let's go back to our expensive bottle. Now, understand that I don't price this stuff out, but I have spoken with some winery proprietors and managers who have given me a few hints. In the case of this bottle, I would expect that the add-ons increase the cost of production by somewhere between $5 and $15 per bottle. On the other hand, I expect that the price of this wine was increased by about $35-60 per bottle for all the fluff.

This was a 2016 Napa Valley predominantly Cabernet blend. Not to demean winemakers, but that was an incredible vintage. To paraphrase one winemaker from that region, a monkey could have made a good Cabernet out here. This is a vintage where any good winemaker needs to produce great wines.

$90. 89 points. Most of that money for stuff nobody can taste. Do your homework. Don't waste your money.